I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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