Say something about gay babies.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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