FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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