So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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