Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
