remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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