i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize