ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
