you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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