Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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