Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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