"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
