Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
