Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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