Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
