I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
