She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
