you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
