I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
