Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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