apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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