woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have aggressive nipples.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
