whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
