I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
