Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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