did you get engaged???
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
