I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
