My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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