When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
