i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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