I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
