I feel great
I just peed on a car
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
