I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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