i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
