i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
