I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
