Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
