At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize