I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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