dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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