I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
