party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
