somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
