I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
