I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
