My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He shit in the fireplace
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
