My balls are so social today.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
