It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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