my mouth tastes like poor choices
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
