glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
