there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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