Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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