Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just invented taco cereal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
