last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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