Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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