This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
