what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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