I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
