New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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