Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
