I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize