It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
