Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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