i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
two words...techno handjob
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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