Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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