so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize