If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
