Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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