I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
