I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
